Poetry

Conversational Miss Herrings Part XXII

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I nearly said ‘‘rape Parlour’’

I’m gonna hell boxing

I have noodles with everything – music, twin cello’s five seconds…

Go and wank to the news with your belly

Miley Cyrus has kidnapped tourists again

I upset my arse

With the agony of Olympic cycling champion felled by potato

And a pint of goat shit

Wired for Sam, the girl with colitis walks by

In the interests of security, London taxis may be Ilford with CCTV equipment

Be there in 30 mints

The next station is Haddock Wood

This summer stands to bum hole

Error printing Ebola invoice

Error: printing Napoleon’s invoice

Dirty lettuce and tomato sandwich

Now take a look there’s jizz in her eyes

I was shocked and ashamed to discover how I’m the A-Team’s

Pale descendent of some old queen or am I?/

Carry on like this and we can forget being Beatles/

They got so close they touched dad’s coal as the pulpit wrecks your body

Oh, my brother, I cry night and day for you to see you love the far-right

I only watched the first 10 minutes so missed Beyonce’s goal

Containing 48 Jaffa Cakes within 4 carrots

If any Englishman said he has never called a Chairman a chink, he is lying

Please has anyone fat photos of the church on the green at Havering-Atte-Bower?

Come on, let’s go for a gram

Overlord, there’s five men marking

I watched happy hour knock the fuck out of Chris Algieri

Complaints included disappointingly long queens to see Santa

And sullen elves seen smoking fags, poo drivers and bonus schemes Scheming some clothes

For the first time in forever I’ll be dancing through the mud

Tangled longing for lube

Lager houses sell for well over £1million

In plum suits powdering her arse

You haven’t stunk for ages

How’d you spell yoga?

Lion lark

A small, petty place on the south coast that gives real purpose to the nearby cliffs

Marrowfield’s eye map attacked me with the Samba and heaven’s arse pipe

So, Hornchurch, start with 22 lasagne’s

Back from holiday trying on the tit hanger

And a swinging Spaniard to sniff out blood

Okay, we’re gonna have to leave it there, but a quick reminder before we go that we are back on Saturday with the breast from all three divisions of the Football League straight after Match of the Day

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