Poetry

Conversational Miss Herrings Part XXI

BOLOGNA

 

You’re a pigeon lover and I want no other/Have you got a knife? No, I’ve got a Samsung/Who’s your favourite marble?/With Gary Speed up there we certainly caused them a problem/Ah, Gayle was a whisper away/On your way back can you get me some Upminster eggs?/The owners were now on Luton to search for the winner/The Reggae Festival of 1970 was an extraordinary spectacle of ya making music and culture stuck in a mosque pit/Sonny’s got a new colour in New gay Bethnal Green NOW OPEN! 76 to Bloodgate Circus/I forgot to wear an aunt for the funeral/Like a curry I like that you do the geek massage/Midland English is hard so crap along/We do Care Bears in Italy/It says ‘Bad Ahmet’/Let’s drink in a swine bar and have KNICKERBLOCKER GLORY: with chocolate, strawberry and vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce, toasted almonds, whipped cream and a cherry on top/Hiding under muchos disco/We’re playing those brick lanes together/They always have rows when they’re endorsing/What a surprise you’re catching a plane for Bruce Springsteen’s campaign/Rocky had come he quit with a gun/Stuffing peppers with couscous and fetish cheese/By the time we get him home he’ll be eating paella and calling us ‘green gross’/I need to apply for my ISIS licence/Check out exactly what was on the Kop star’s whopping list on page 85/St. Francis church is where they have the Christmas crash/There’s a painting in this church of the devil eating Marmite/Traitor to Bolognese/Warn Ricky the place is a bit chubby/It has spider salami and spinach drain/19 otters 2014 Bologna – Laundry/RIP night every Monday!/How long will it be before the BBC fires him and installs gorgeous, vibrant, lush etc Lady Brady on his special raised phallic chair in the boardroom?/Martin’s chasing his trousers/Does it taste of work ethic?/I was meant to see Bologna’s football alien/I’m trapped yo talking like I’m trapped yo/My banana’s screaming for a shit/One friend describes bumping into Boris after he had lurched with Roy Jenkins, the former Home Secretary and Chancellor of the exchequer, and claret-loving bon viveur/Blind me you’re a whore/You gave us your oar/He’s got good bollocking, Arfield/According to more flies found in Edinburgh, pressure was already growing for a special Act of Parliament to prevent Nessie being killed or captured/Do you think you’re the best thing since you sliced bread?/Vintage fines to be scanned/Do I give the hummus a number?/Why did you stick me in self-deprecating bulbous skin in the form of this great Gothic canopy?/Dream of an England that has vanished, the England of the meddle ages.

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