An Idiotic Episode

I lost something that is more important than life itself

to governments the world over

Every time I saw a coke can

or a dishevelled plastic bag in the distance,

it appeared like the Holy Grail,

the answer to all my problems.

I asked a lollipop man,

but he couldn’t help me;

I asked the ‘Help’ desk in Roneo Corner Tesco,

but they couldn’t help me;

I looked through nearly every blade of grass that was up to my shins,

but still nothing,

nothing in the lake too.

I risked being labelled a ‘scum of weirdos’ for the answer,

but still


I went back and forth, retracing my steps

via a bicycle

walking and riding,

but nothing again.

I’ll never find it.

And to compound the situation,

I got light brown dog shit –

the worst kind –

on one of my bike wheels.

LIFE is one long piece of turd,

we – you and me- are the contents of that turd;

different things swallowed up then

regurgitated to solidify us together

cue big juicy black and gold flies

sucking us dry.


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